the object of her love

This post is about a Vietnamese woman’s true love for her Đại Gia.

Đại Gia is Vietnamese for “rich man” and by extension “rich boyfriend who takes care of me”. It is not a derogative term – Đại Gia is actually an accepted fact of life in Vietnam and a fixture of popular entertainment including many music videos where the girl has to give up the boyfriend she loves for an old, ugly Đại Gia – usually identified by his being overweight and owning a CAR (!!). Here’s one example among many others.

Đại Gia is basically any guy using money to compensate his low SMV in regard to a high-SMV girlfriend. The more money the younger and prettier. While there are still instances of this in the post-feminism West they are now reserved for billionaires and the like. In Southeast Asia however, pretty much any Western paycheck can qualify a man as Đại Gia. Again, the bigger the paycheck (and her cut of it) the prettier the woman.

Cynical Western people may be quick to point out that Đại Gia’s girlfriend just “loves him for the money”. But it’s way more subtle than that.

The reason why so many young, pretty Vietnamese girls succeed in making much older, lower-SMV men lose all logical thought and spend their entire retirement fund on them even though they’re smart and rational men in all other facets of their lives is because Đại Gia Love is not fake love.

Đ-Love is True Love.

The spark of love Đại Gia sees in her eyes is real. She’s sincerely ecstatic on all these pictures showing her (alone in the frame) enjoying their luxurious activities. She really feels the romance Đại Gia makes her experience at the shopping mall or the 5-star resort (or any location within Singapore territory). She’s really proud of sharing their precious moments on social media, from the latest iPhone he bought her to the wad of 500,000 đồng banknotes spread out on her beautifully manicured hands.

Boy does she love Đại Gia. Đại Gia is the closest thing to Prince Charming (well… Prince). And all of her friends envy her for it, judging from the likes and comments on her romantic posts.

But she doesn’t love the guy who’s playing Đại Gia. She’s only in love with the idea of Đại Gia.

From the perspective of a woman who did not get higher education and was propably raised on the idea that her only purpose in life was to satisfy men in exchange for security, Đại Gia is everything she, her friends and her family ever hoped for.

It doesn’t matter who plays Đại Gia.

That’s the part that many Đại Gia from developed countries often don’t understand. All the investment you’re putting into this girl doesn’t make you special in her eyes. She doesn’t care about your personality, your story, your emotions, your tastes. Or more exactly, whatever bit of personal information you’ll share won’t have any relevance besides helping fine-tune her strategies to make you fall blindly in love.

Yes, Đ-Love is True Love. Many successful men who are otherwise smart in their professional and social lives fall in the trap simply because it doesn’t look like one. The love looks, and is real. It’s just not about you personally. It’s about the idea of you as a long-term provisioner for her family.

If you’re a real Đại Gia, which means you’re rich even by Western standards, you won’t feel bad about the amount of money you spent. What matters is the sentimental investment you put into that doomed relationship. Men are the true romantics in this world, and they can get badly hurt falling in love with a woman who only sees them as Đại Gia if they didn’t understand the terms of the deal beforehand.

It was never about you. It’s about financial security, stupid.

Oh I know, this one is different. She’s not like the other girls.

Until you run out of money. Or until you catch her red-handed with another man.

Đại Gia’s girlfriend being a woman of needs, she may be tempted to pocket more cash and prizes from other, short-term Đại Gia. If she’s clever and if schedule allows, she can actually keep several Đại Gia concurrently (ka-ching!!). And she’ll still fuck the hot boys for fun (and for free!) when opportunities arise.

I speak from experience. I had a few encounters with ladies who had their Đại Gia on the phone or even videocall while I was naked next to them. I used to see a girl who had her Đại Gia rent a place for her in the same building as me so we could meet more easily. In one instance, a girl I just met at a bar took a Skype videocall on iPad right while I was fucking her (by which I mean my dick was actually moving up and down her pussy at that same exact moment), from a boyfriend somewhere in Europe who was providing her a $2000 monthly allowance (and probably had bought said iPad for her).

I can also speak from experience on Đại Gia’s side, with my first Vietnamese girlfriend. I’m still ashamed of this relationship but it built the foundation of the man I am today.

You always pay for what you learn, an older friend once told me.

That was my case when I first arrived in Vietnam. I couldn’t believe my luck having met (in a bar of course) this very sexy woman who was taking care of me from dawn to dusk, cooking me nice meals, washing my clothes and fucking me whenever I needed to. All I did in return was being my old self, helping her with some bills, and taking her out to fancy restaurants and clubs along with some of her friends.

I went back to my home country for a bit (not before reassuring her I would be back soon) and the next thing I knew, she was giving another man the exact same level of attention, privacy and “chemistry” (her word) that I thought we had exclusively shared. And then I thought of all these moments when she had mysteriously disappeared. All the signs of other men. The obviousness of it all hurt so badly I couldn’t sleep for weeks.

Thinking like a rational man, I had figured nobody could pull up a prank on such a scale and duration if there wasn’t some genuine interest for me in her heart. Love cannot be faked with so much consistency. Somebody give her an Oscar! Why would she do that anyway? I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

A few years later, after getting to know many women who do exactly this sort of things for a living, I came to realize her love had been believable because it was true indeed. I had been Đ-Loved.

Đ-Love is real – just don’t take it too personal. As a Đại Gia you are indefinitely substitutable.

4 comments On Đ-Love

  • This is the most real shit Ive ever read about Vietnamese society, and Im Vietnamese :))

    Financial security is above everything, because family and “face” is what most ppl care about. Thats not bad per se but many ppl live by the mantra money is everything and its just sad to see…

  • Met a girl which fits aptly to the in app purchase type of girls described in one of your articles.

    Talked about love within weeks and she asked some money (but not much to me) and I sent her.

    I asked her for some assurance, to answer my calls or return if she sees missed call from me. She’s also not willing to post anything about us on Facebook. She can be regularly offline for close to 12 hours and uncontactable. This happen quite often and she broke up when I insinuate she seeing other men.

    Just my gut feeling and I used really disrespectful words during the last argument. Regret using those words and can’t get over her.

    • Mmmm… I don’t know her or you but I would bet my money on her having many boyfriends like you. When in doubt, just move over to the next one… It’s not like if there’s a shortage of potential girlfriends around here 😉

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