Nowhere have I ever met so many jealous guys as in Saigon’s expat community.
Not all, but a good number of Western men tend to exhibit that deplorable trait after settling down with a Vietnamese girlfriend.
As far as the ladies are concerned, it’s actually a good thing. Many times I heard “successful” interracial relationships described to me along these lines:
He loves her very much. He’s very jealous!
Don’t talk to much with Anna,
her boyfriend is very jealous.
I have to get home by 8AM
because my French boyfriend video-calls me
every day to check what I’m doing.
So many Western boyfriends are packing jealous anger like time bombs ready to go off at an eye contact’s notice. Personally I find it very disturbing. Absent any proof of wrongdoing on the girlfriend’s part, they should chill the fuck out and put more trust in their relationship, starting with their self-confidence.
I speak from real-world experience. When you get the feeling that guy you just met at the party is two seconds away from punching you in the face because his girl laughed at some lame-ass joke you made, even though you were just being socially amicable, even though you’re part of the same group of previously introduced friends, even though you brought your own arm candy to the party, something is clearly wrong in his head. The anger in his eyes. The anxiety in his whole body. I’m sure your girlfriend is the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, but dude, I’m not trying to steal the bitch.
Excessive jealousy is clearly unhealthy. It’s bad for your mood, your sleep, your digestive tract, your immune system, not to mention your karma.
And yet the men get praise for it.
I’ve heard their girlfriends brag about it, even though by way of pretending to complain. They’ll gladly share every cringeworthy detail of their madman’s latest anger bout, gleaming with pride as they recount the shame they experienced.
I guess these girls hope to boost their perceived value if people think they can make or break their relationship at the blink of an eye. What woman wouldn’t like to be seen in such control of her man that he lives in constant fear of losing her? A man’s jealousy only helps his girlfriend maintain the frame in their relationship.
Betas mateguard, Alphas disregard.
There is nothing that exemplifies needy like jealousy.
I’ll admit this could also apply to many 100% Werstern couples. But it’s all in the balance. Again, the prevalence of jealousy among Saigon expat boyfriends is through the roof. Why is that so?
I think this has something to do with the general level of tolerance for male jealousy in this country. It wouldn’t be my place to comment on Vietnamese men’s behavior in this regard, but I think Vietnamese women have been accustomed to allow a much higher “break-up threshold” (i.e. the point at which they’ll just kick your ass out) than Western average.
Another explanation I could offer is that there’s so much pressure on Vietnamese women to satisfy the Beta side of hypergamy that they honestly long for needy, albeit supportive long-term boyfriends (husbands preferably) that would be quickly discarded by their Western sisters. As a result they will regard any hint of possessiveness favorably, as a telltale sign that they’ve secured a truly dutiful Beta man.
One of the worst Vietnamese women I know once told me: “you don’t marry the man you love, you marry the man who loves you”. Jealous behaviors that would hardly be rewarded by a Western girlfriend become marks of utter devotion in Vietnam – hence long-term security. To hell with love – we’re talking about commitment here.
For a woman who’s put herself in a vulnerable position (i.e. divorced mother with no real/legal income options), a man’s jealousy is akin to commitment insurance. If it creates nasty relationship dynamics, and awkward social situations, then so be it. It’s all for the sake of long-term provisioning. The more a man is invested in the relationship, the more he will bring financial stability to the family.
Pictured: A woman who won’t be exclusive to you.