How much are you in for when you meet a woman in a Saigon bar? Here are 7 situations you can expect.
At first I thought this post would draw up some kind of price list for getting intimate with a Saigonese, depending of the type of girl, boy, time, location, deliverables, etc. The task proved intractable as there are so many random variables to account for, not to mention ramping inflation that would make this post obsolete in a matter of months.
What I can do however is write about pricing models, i.e. how expenses for a woman are timed and sized relative to the pussy she’s giving up. Whatever the money amount involved, the following are pretty consistent arrangements I’ve seen in and around my own sex life.
Note that I’m referring to actual cash disbursements, not treats – those are expected from men in all circumstances anyway. Wining and dining women is pretty fair when you consider the tremendous efforts they put into their beauty. Cash and gifts are a whole other ballpark though, and this is what we’re talking about here.
This is our favourite of course, and it doesn’t happen a lot except if you’re relatively handsome with relatively good game and the woman comes from a relatively rich family. (This being Vietnam one has to relativize everything.)
More often than not Freeware does NOT include exclusivity though, as your woman will still be looking out for guys ready to spend really big on her. Being a rich kid doesn’t shield her from appreciating the huge boost in self-perceived value that a man’s money investment represents. Everyone has a price. Also, she will only get wealthier from the experience, which she couldn’t expect from your poor ass.
A word of caution though, there will be many times when you think you’ve scored Freeware pussy when you actually got Freemium or In-App Purchases (see below). Hard to say at first. As usual, the prudent course of action is to never get too attached.
2. Girlfriend-As-A-Service (GAAS)
This is your plain old escort golddigger, and the opposite of Freeware above. She doesn’t even try to hide the fact that you’ll have to do a lot of shopping and cash handouts to be her man. From the get-go she’ll sell you a monthly licensing fee and you’ll have the peace of mind of knowing you can fuck her any way you wish as long as you pay. She’ll follow you everywhere and readily pretend to love you at all times.
The sad news is not only you’ll be painfully aware she doesn’t love you at all, you won’t ever be certain she’s exclusive to you (due to that she-doesn’t-love-you part).
Since the relationship is fake anyway, you should try at least to waste your money on a really hot girl. Whatever you do, just try to retain your initial capital until she loses market value (good luck with that).
From the woman’s point of view, the problem with playing golddigger is that she defines herself as such from the outset. As soon as her man accepts that initial contract, he never will truly commit to her (except if she’s skilled enough to make him believe she will change for him out of pure love… which happens quite a lot). As long as the man resists his romantic impulses and doesn’t get too involved, he can break away from the relationship at any time, especially when younger, hotter prospects come along (provided his golddigger didn’t trap him with kids and rob him of his initial capital). If he can’t, he’ll not only be fucked emotionnally and financially, he’ll also have to cope with the fact that he’s become a cliché victim of Vietnamese golddiggers. One in a million.
Of course a talented golddigger knows how to filter out the men who may resist their romantic impulses. A real golddigger knows a real sucker.
This one is an evolution from GAAS, and it’s getting played out more and more by young women who learn it from older peers who’ve been on the GAAS trail for a while and have experienced its limitations.
The Freemium model is very wise because it hides its true financial nature, only to reveal it once the love curse has taken hold.
As they say, the first dose is always free.
It starts with the illusion of Freeware (remember my warning above?), which lasts as long as the woman judges necessary for the man’s true, irreversible devotion to form. Men are the real romantics in this world and once they get truly, emotionally invested into a woman, she knows she’ll be in total control from then on. Very soon the man will find that he needs to pay to unlock the full value of his woman.
One scenario is that she’ll reveal she was actually a hooker all along (surprise!) but she really likes you and she will quit the life for good if only someone could provide her with the monthly few thousand dollars she needs for her family and that she used to make in her line of work.
Or she’ll reveal a yet-undisclosed, soon-to-be husband who promises large wealth for her, and she doesn’t love him like she loves you, but she needs this wedding for the sake of her family, and she’d go with you in a heartbeat if only you could match whatever amount this alleged pursuer is offering.
Her story doesn’t even have to be credible. When you reach that moment in the relationship when the Premium part of the Freemium model is revealed, it’s usually because she knows you’re already hooked. And she must gauge it pretty well since she was smart enough to plot such a long con in the first place.
The Freemium model is very flexible, depending of the subject’s responsiveness. Whenever she’s sensing her cover has been blown, she’ll just revert to Pretend Freeware for a few weeks. This way he’ll put his guard down, falsely safe in the knowledge that she passed the test as a loyal woman who’ll stick with him through thick and thin. If the thin lasts too long he will certainly know the truth.
4. In-App Purchases
In the old days I would have called this one “shareware” but times have changed and now it’s all about the mobile experience. And mobile she will be. Basically she’ll give herself for free to as many eligible men as possible in order to convert a portion of them into small payments. This strategy allows her to catch every return opportunity in a sea of eligible men.
Because In-App Purchases are typically small amounts, they allow for suspicious men to rule out golddigger schemes such as GAAS or Freemium. That’s the genius of it: the woman can pretend to be a decent family girl who only needs a little help to make ends meet, playing on First World guilt as needed (“I don’t make the same salary as you because I’m Vietnamese!”). Since the payments are small she’ll meet more men who are ready to shell them out, thus amassing vast amounts of money in the end.
The only complication is that she needs be very agile with her schedule. Picking expats with full-time jobs helps, as she knows exactly at what time each of them is chained to a desk.
From the female investor’s point of view, the In-App Purchases model fits all risk tolerance profiles: either she’s too lazy or risk-averse to opt for the GAAS model mentioned above, or she’s financially prudent and wishes to hedge the inherent long-term risk to wasting her prime SMV years (similar to a man’s money capital) on the wrong horse. Such a failure can lead to bitter pain in the end. For proof of this please refer to: All hookers you’ve met who are above 35 and speak decent English.
This is a lesser-known, niche model practiced by Vietnamese women who are either very smart and experienced with foreigners, or so twisted in their mind that they end up doing it unintentionally.
The Ad-Supported model basically allows a hooker to sell her pussy for more money to select customers while keeping up appearances as a decent lady in front of everyone else – not unlike free content supported by sponsors. It’s the best of both worlds. But it takes a lot of scheming and deception on her part.
Let’s call her Jenny for the sake of explanation. Jenny speaks English and would love to get big money from rich Westerners. However she also loves her ego, and doesn’t want the whole town to look down on her as a hooker. Thus Jenny figured she should exclusively target short-term rich tourists and business travelers. These people typically hang out at international downtown bars. If she just walks in there and engages these men, she’ll automatically be labelled as a hooker. Plus she’ll face heavy competition and she’ll only be able to charge regular market-driven fees.
To overcome these obstacles Jenny infiltrates a group of regular partygoers, pretending to be a high-class lady just out for fun. This group doesn’t really suspect her commercial intent since she just parties along and may even fuck some of them as Freeware to better cover her tracks. She just parties with them and goes home without ever talking to the real target customers who are present in the bar – but somehow she manages to get their attention the whole night. Usually this involves shepherding her group to strategic, central positions where she nonchalantly displays her goods for everyone to salivate on. The real business happens later under cover of private messaging in social media, where she’s easy to find since she’s a fixture of Saigon nightlife. Seaside trips and Thailand/Philippines escapades may be arranged to execute transactions with maximum discretion.
(The fact that Jenny acts as a regular partygoer also helps her appear in promotion shots from bar photographers, who otherwise take great pains to avoid shooting hookers. She will then tag posts adequately to help prospects find her.)
IMHO the Ad-Supported woman is a despicable parasite who just ruins the fun for her group of friends, since she’s not really with us for fun and will act in selfish ways that favor her own end goals – for example by choosing the most uncomfortable spot in the bar just because it helps her being seen from all angles. She’s not partying – she’s on a promotion tour. She’s not even our friend anyway. She’s basically using us as PR agents and we don’t get a cut of the proceedings.
Pay-Per-Use ladies are the unsung heroes of Saigon nightlife. Society loves to despise them, still they’re really honest women who’ll just tell to your face that they need X amount of money to fuck you.
Massage girls, hotel girls, shampoo girls, streetwalkers or plain bar hookers, I hold them all in high regard morally speaking – as far as morality involves truthfulness, which is not always obvious around here.
When you get to have them open up a bit about their life you’ll find many of them are the most straightforward, down-to-earth women you can find in a Saigon bar. Zero bullshit, only fair trade. Of course there will be no romance, illusory or otherwise. But is there anywhere anyway?
7. One-Time Payment
This is the exact reverse model from Freemium. You meet a Pay-Per-Use woman and she decides she likes you and comes back to fuck you for free a few days later. She’s a woman after all, and if you have enough value in her eyes you can become her fuckboy. This can last up to several months, provided she gets support from actual paying customers in the background. Typically there’s a steady GAAS customer behind the scenes who provides her with a financial cushion that allows for her to play around with your cheapo ass. Even better if that guy is at the other end of the world – all you have to do is hide in the bathroom when he videocalls her.
One-Time Payment can be a risky proposition for two reasons. The first is you are vulnerable to buying into the illusion that you two have a serious relationship, or even worse, falling in love with her. That would come into direct violation of the cardinal rule of Pay-Per-Use women : You can’t turn a ho into a housewife. The second is you could get caught by her GAAS boyfriend and end up getting beat up by thugs. So better thread lightly with One-Time Payment girls. They’ll never be yours. It’s just your turn to be their fuckboy at this particular point in time, nothing more.
I know I told you there would be 7 pricing models, but whom would I fool if I pretended marriage is not every bit as transactional as every other arrangement above? Depending of the woman you choose it can even be the most expensive and hurtful Saigon girl pricing model of them all. So I throw it in here as a tip of the hat to the most sorry asses among us.
For the record I know the vast majority of Vietnamese women are decent and trustworthy. But few of them hang out in Saigon bars.
Pictured: Women looking for love in an expensive Saigon club.