The Blessings and Curses of Cosmetic Surgery (with pictures!)

With economic growth helping, more Vietnamese women turn to cosmetic surgery in their quest to look ever more desirable. Which means more beautiful women on the market, for an unchanged number of eligible men. What’s not to love?

Vietnamese women in general always strive to look their best for any social occasion – actually way too much to untrained Western eyes. A visiting friend once asked me: “how can you spot the slut at a party when they all dress like one?” As opposed to typical Western ladies who are convinced they must choose between high heels or cleavage, lipstick or nails, loose hair or skirt etc., Vietnamese women put all of their chips on the table. Nobody will call them slutty for that; they’ll only get more praise. You can see our cultural differences at work in the way they doll themselves up in comparison to young Việt Kiều women in your home country. Same genes (and let me stress these are generally very good genes), but different upbringing. 

This is the way of Vietnamese social life. From Nhà Quê roadside weddings to exclusive Saigon rooftop bars, there’ll always be a bunch of highly doable chicks in your immediate line of sight. And who am I to complain?

Today they have even more tools at their disposal in the form of cosmetic surgery. The science leapfrogged in recent years, as did Vietnam’s economy, bringing a horde of newly middle-class women under the surgeon’s knife. Even dirt-poor girls can afford the most expensive procedures provided they get some Đại Gia to pay for it (which many of them do).

It’s come to a point where it’s hard to meet a Saigon lady out on the town who’s still natural from head to toe. It seems like surgery is a prerequisite for any woman’s attempt to success, whatever her line of business. 

In my own social circle I’ve seen all kinds of upgrades over the years, including a full set of dental implants to replace perfectly healthy teeth (VND 200,000,000) and a hawk nose obtained by grafting a piece of rib cartilage (yes). Most patients were very happy with the results and only wanted to do more.

Just a few days ago at my local Bún Riêu stand, the family’s teenage girl waiting the tables outside suddenly sported fresh double-eyelid surgery scars along with brand new sexy clothing and make-up, right in front of her parents working the pots. She looked like an innocent schoolgirl just two weeks ago. They grow up so fast.

Actually our neighborhood is a go-to place for cosmetic surgeons. There’s literally one on every corner, and some more between them. It’s one of many places all around the country where women can hack their way to a higher value in society, being defined for many solely by their sexual agency and the rewards it entails. You know how face is important to these people – even more so when light-skinned with small cheekbones, double eyelids, a “high” nose and a V-line. 

Nose job nation

I’ve tried to look up how many cosmetic procedures there are out there on the market, to no avail. The list just doesn’t seem to end, not to mention the many non-surgical interventions that are also very popular (skin treatments, fillers etc.).

From what I can gather, most women start with their nose and eyelids. They’re convinced theirs are ugly for some reason that only makes sense in their culture. Their natural slanted eyes and “low” noses would do just fine for Western men.

Then come the boobs. OK, everybody likes boobs.

These procedures form the largest slice of the market pie. After that, it’s to each her own: chin, cheekbones, teeth, and whatever silly little imperfections they may want to fix. Some go through all these procedures several times over.

This 2011 research paper found that 72% Vietnamese women 18-30 would likely undergo cosmetic surgery and 49% plan to do it in the near future. Close to 65% want to do their face (nose, eyes, lips, etc.), 16% their boobs, and 7.5% their skin (that’s not including non-surgical procedures such as Botox etc.). This other, more recent study in 5 key cities found that 74% of women would do surgery if they had a chance, and that among the 14% who did it, 29% did the nose, followed by eyelids (21%), arms or legs (13%), abdomen (11%), teeth (11%) and thorax a.k.a. boobs (10%). 

Studies also note how self-improvement takes different meanings from one world region to another. This one shows how we judge jaws with striking difference between West and East. And this article will certainly comfort my dear readers’ belief that women from developing countries care way much more about their appearance than those living under the female-primary social order. The piece mentions an ode to cosmetic surgery by K-pop girl group Six Bomb, whose members collectively underwent for $90,000 of body upgrades – and counting.

Celebrity culture is one of many influences. If you walk past any “nhà hát” or browse the gossip pages these days, you’ll notice how Vietnamese stars big and small all look kind of inbred, all with the same T-lines and V-lines. Back in the Republic of Vietnam famous people used to have natural, pretty Vietnamese faces (google “nhạc trước 1975″ to see what I mean), even though some of them may have fallen under the surgeon’s spell back then. Today it seems they can’t get their place under the spotlight without getting under the operating light first.

Bring me dick, bring me luck

Here are some cosmetic surgery stories that were picked up by the media (or paid for by the women concerned, you never know with Vietnamese media) so I feel I can freely share them here:

“This 26-year old Hanoian woman had her cheekbones reduced for fear of becoming another woman ‘left on the shelf’. (…) Since the surgery, my job and love life have progressed, Ngọc said. Next, I’m going to get breast implants.”

Total price to date: USD 8,800 including double eyelid surgery, a nose job, and chin and cheekbone reductions.

Here’s one more:

“Nguyễn Mỹ Linh, who had five nose jobs was frustrated with the failed procedures – but admitted her life has changed for the better.”

My most discerning readers may suspect a boob job on Linh in the “before” picture. She also looked somewhat more doable back then IMHO. But according to her story this was not about getting better/richer male prospects. It was about good fortune.

Vietnamese folklore has a big part to play in this, as it deems monolids as fishy, unreliable ‘eel’s eyes’, a physically big-mouthed woman as a gossip and undignified, and beauty marks under the eyes as a bad omen similar to high cheekbones. (…) Double eyelids, a slimmer nose bridge, cherry lips, a V-shaped chin and lower cheekbones are particularly favored, as they portray a harmonious and auspicious look.

Others want to look Western for some reason, like this woman who underwent 5 procedures for a total of VND 80,000,000 by the tender age of 21.

Again, there’s a strong chance she paid to place her story out there; if I was her communications consultant I’d tell her this quest for a Western look doesn’t make much sense because it makes her lose both the fast-growing class of rich Vietnamese guys and the invading hordes of Korean love-seekers. She’s gonna have to target cheap-ass Westerners now. Maybe after she does her teeth – her current set won’t look very auspicious to us.

These are not random, occasional cases like in the West; it is but a tiny sample of a widespread, Asia-wide trend. And it’s all for the men’s own good. The more women make themselves more desirable to us, the more choices we’ll have. Supply and demand!

The problem for some women is they don’t know where to stop. They get excited by the results of their first surgeries (especially boobs) and they keep on adding new parts – until they look like silly overpimped cars.

The ass is where I draw the line.

Vietnamese asses are usually very cute; I don’t understand why they want to boost them. Perhaps they’ve seen too much black and latina booty in Hollywood music videos? I don’t know if you’ve ever fucked fake butt-cheeks, but let me tell you it’s not a good feeling. The implants look and feel like a pair of wallets stuffed in back pockets, and they can be hard like a man’s ass. I have yet to come across a fake butt that doesn’t make her wearer look stupid. Case in point:

Others will undergo brazen experiments that would make most cosmetic surgeons cringe with shame.

The woman in the picture below pretended to me she was half-Japanese. That was her justification for a set of very strange upper-lip and lower-eyelid surgeries. In the morning a white substance oozed at the bottom of her eyes, signaling some kind of biologic malfunction. She also had double butt surgery (four wallets instead of two), and boobs hard like rocks. And she did her nose, double eyelid, chin and a bunch of other stuff (even her hair was fake). But she swore to me she never had any surgery at all. And that she was 21. And that she worked as a marketing consultant in Jakarta. Sure, why not.

By now you should have noticed I’m not a very picky man 😉 Anyhow, I’ve seen more than my share of fake butts in this land, and I have pictures of those too, but enough with the surgery-shaming. Poor girls, they just want the attention. They just never have enough of it.

There’s still some stuff I heard about but haven’t come across yet – or haven’t noticed. Vulvovaginal surgery? Forehead augmentation? Limb lengthening? The science keeps on advancing every day. And it’s all to our advantage.

A buyer’s market

Say what you want, cosmetic surgery works, or else they wouldn’t be doing it. Most of it does actually make them more desirable. Fake boobs especially are very nice because they give us a chance to experience the appearance (and the feeling, when well done) of a 18-year-old woman’s chest whatever their wearer’s actual age. You say you don’t like fake boobs? Well, do you like saggy, post-maternity boobs? Exactly.

So, more women are getting more desirable every day, but the number of eligible men remains the same.

While their physical appearance, natural or not, is the most important factor to attract males, we on the other hand are judged on a number of assets including our manliness, status, game, and spending power, all of which are difficult to fake. We can boost our Sexual Market Value a little bit by going to the gym or correcting some truly problematic features, but it’s only part of the equation. Plus, women are equipped with a sharp instinct and a plethora of shit tests to tell the frauds from the real McCoys.

What the surgery trend does is create an ever-growing buyer’s market. This applies to all men across the SMV spectrum, whether you’re the man she truly desires (Alpha Fucks), or the guy who provides her with security/cash/gifts to unlock her pussy (Beta Bucks). Cosmetic surgery gives more choice, hence more power to all men; Alphas will only get more pussy, and Betas will enjoy more competitive prices.

This is good news for us, as long as the word doesn’t get out and not too many foreign men come to flood our nice little Saigon sexual marketplace and turn the numbers in the women’s favor (D’OH!! Maybe I shouldn’t have written this post!).

Whatever you do, don’t buy it for them.

Paying for a Vietnamese woman’s cosmetic surgery is the worst investment a man can make because it amounts to sawing the branch on which he sits. Once you upgrade her, especially with boobs, she will definitely upgrade from you. In the end many more men will jizz on the boobs you paid for than you’ll ever be able to squeeze off your balls in a lifetime. 

Sometimes it’s the family members who pay; I recently was banging a girl with a huge rack mounted on top of already big boobs, paid for by her mother along with eyelid and nose surgeries. In her case it was a sound investment; it will go back to the family eventually. Last I heard she was screwing a twenty-something Vietnamese princeling who drives a Mercedes SLS AMG (the one with the doors opening upwards). But for foreign Đại Gia the investment will be at a loss. 

Except if they’re married to a woman way past her SMV prime (35+), in which case it could be justified. Competing suitors will be scarce by that time and the husband will enjoy what amounts to an extended warranty on his initial purchase.

Again, it’s a buyer’s market, and there are many single ladies around who got all of their upgrades paid for already. If you’re to marry, better choose a bride in version 2.0 with all the debugging done for you already.

Pictured above: Vietnamese singer Minh Hằng.